Is it possible to have a mid-life crisis at 35? I think so, because I have gotten to the point in my life that I am ready for changes. I'm not trying to be selfish, but its high time for ME! I have lived my life for everyone but me and its taken its' toll. I think it is safe to be powerful in a loving way towards others and myself. I try to live this way but it seems that there is someone that insists on pulling me down. I know that this person is toxic to my soul, but right now I don't see any doors opening to step through and make things different. I have prayed on this repeatedly and apparently this is the way it is for now. I do however feel that a change is coming, and I need to be patient, let things stand as they are until further notice. I trust in this and my faith seems to carry me daily. I have put my focus on my daughters, which is extremely important. My 9 year old is going through some intense emotions right now and she needs my undivided attention. Thank goodness school is starting soon! Rountine is the key to my girls' mental health. It is for me too!
Joy, Kuan, good things are going to happen for us. I know it. I feel it. I think its our turn to be happy. All the struggles that we have endured has prepared us for the greatness we so deserve. For now we must remain steadfast and have faith. I love you guys with all my heart and soul. I just want you two to know that.
Its so nice to be writing again. I don't know what happened to be honest... I just got distracted from all the bull shit here at home. I need this blog and I need imput from my friends. And likewise, I got your back as well!!
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Cat you know its hard when we loose "love" in our lives, and from what I understand you lost a great one and some times we really never quite recover from that. Sure the pain fades but those scars run deep like river water. I think it is then that we give in and settle "for" what we can get cuz it just seems to painful to try to fight the good fight. I think for me any way that so much has happened that I simply have given into it, let "it" win, let "it" take over my life and my soul. Now I won't stay in toxic relationships but then I don't have kids to worry about either. But then I do tend to withdraw from life and people because I just don't have the energy to put into them any more.
I search for peace every day my friend and some times when I'm still and quiet I find it, if only for a fleeting moment but I have it.
You and Joy mean the world to me as well, and honestly I don't know what I would have done in the seriously dark moments with out the two of you's love and compassion. Yes I do think that change is on the wind but some times that change is not clear and only by understanding the true nature of suffering can we be liberated from it.
Love
K
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