Friday, September 28, 2007

Damn it!!

I am aggravated, frustrated, pissed off and then I read Kuan's blog and all these feelings just melted away. I know in my heart that when your around someone that is constantly cussing you out, screaming at you, and saying the most horrible things to you that it is THEIR sickness and it is nothing you have done. I have lived with this bullshit on a daily basis for almost 12 years now and I wonder how much more? The only thing that gets me through is knowing that one day it will not be like this. I will have my freedom on many different levels. Alot of my blogging is unloading all this shit to the wonderful people that read it. I thank you for listening and being supportive of me.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

You Are The Sun

You represent the best of life - vitality, success, and and truth.
You tend to have a strong, centered, balanced personality.
Inspiration and discovery are your fortes. You are very mentally strong.
A talented mind, you tend to excel at math, philosophy, and music.

Your fortune:

As well as you have done in the past, the future is going to be filled with more success.
A new creative project is coming your way. Feed it, and it will grow into something huge.
Great riches, recognition, prosperity, or happiness is coming your way.
And it's possible that a fantastic vacation, or a new baby, is coming sooner than you think.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

The Weeping Willow Part 2

Fulfillment adds fuel to a fire that has been smoldering for so long.
You came in and sparked that flame to a raging fire that is tormenting me.
Two people lost within the cement,
You were across from me,
glaring at the same walls,
the same sounds,
and a pain deep inside our chests that rose up through our throats,
choking our essence.
Our bodies touched again,
and all that pain, and loneliness was lost.
All I see is your face.
All I hear is your voice.
All I feel is you inside me.
All I want is you beside me.
You must go back to your life,
and I must go on pretending.
Here comes that lump in my throat,
heart wrenching....
I thought I heard you whisper "I love you".

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Somewhere in time ( I need my head checked)

Oh I went and really done it this time! I had to watch a sappy movie starring the late Christopher Reeve. I love that man, I always have and I always will. I watched "Somewhere in time", which is the 2nd and last time I ever watch it. It's too heartbreaking, plus Christopher reminds me of Robbie somehow. I don't know what it is, maybe the way they smile, the sense of humor, the eyes....Oh my gosh, I don't know. All I know is that lately I have been thinking about Robbie and watching this movie validates that for me in some hidden, secret way. Plus I am stressed out (whats new), and I need a break. My kids are driving me crazy!! I am constantly at ends with them, and last night I found out that they prank called one of my neighbors that I cant stand! They called 3 times, but it was the last call that done it. My 9 year old (soon to be 10) called and did a Southpark impression, saying something like "suck my hairy balls" in a southpark sort of voice! At the time I found out I was pissed, but as time has went on I now find this pretty damn funny. I will never admit that to them, but between whoever is reading this, I find it funny as hell!! I will be glad to see school start, this Monday. YEEEEE-HAWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Mid-Life Crisis?

Is it possible to have a mid-life crisis at 35? I think so, because I have gotten to the point in my life that I am ready for changes. I'm not trying to be selfish, but its high time for ME! I have lived my life for everyone but me and its taken its' toll. I think it is safe to be powerful in a loving way towards others and myself. I try to live this way but it seems that there is someone that insists on pulling me down. I know that this person is toxic to my soul, but right now I don't see any doors opening to step through and make things different. I have prayed on this repeatedly and apparently this is the way it is for now. I do however feel that a change is coming, and I need to be patient, let things stand as they are until further notice. I trust in this and my faith seems to carry me daily. I have put my focus on my daughters, which is extremely important. My 9 year old is going through some intense emotions right now and she needs my undivided attention. Thank goodness school is starting soon! Rountine is the key to my girls' mental health. It is for me too!
Joy, Kuan, good things are going to happen for us. I know it. I feel it. I think its our turn to be happy. All the struggles that we have endured has prepared us for the greatness we so deserve. For now we must remain steadfast and have faith. I love you guys with all my heart and soul. I just want you two to know that.
Its so nice to be writing again. I don't know what happened to be honest... I just got distracted from all the bull shit here at home. I need this blog and I need imput from my friends. And likewise, I got your back as well!!

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

The dead has risen

This is totally amazing. I am alive!!! And boy do I feel ashamed. The truth is I got hooked on myspace and completely forgot about my writing. Kuan you are going to be shocked and awed. But for now I want my readers to know (I have so many of them!!)(yea right) that I am still here and I will write more when i get my thoughts together.