23 days huh?

Paris Hilton, you went and done it anyway. You coped out. You couldn't even do 23 days. I had already planned on giving some credit where credit was due, but you showed the world that you really are a stupid bitch. Britney Spears, Lindsy Lohan, and you Paris Hilton, stop getting fucked up for the world to see, it doesn't become you, or me for that matter, or anyone, but exspecially you. It's not like I'm trying to judge anyone because I know first hand that on occasion we make bad choices and sometimes those choices wind us in jail for a spell!! Paris, you couldn't even step up to the plate and do 23 measly days. I am so glad I am not you.

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused. But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Life is precious

I know I need to write, but lately I've been having a block. It's all in my head, I just can't get it out. I'm going to do my best here.
My kids get out of school on June 8, and you might be thinking "Oh gosh, I'm going to dread this", however I am thinking "WOO-HOO"!! I don't have to deal with:
1. Morning drama, which includes crying, and bitterness about having to get up to get ready for school
2. Taking forever to brush your teeth b/c it makes you gag
3. Also taking forever to get ready in general
4. And last but not least, being pissed at me for upholding the routine, day after freakin day, b/c we have a damn schedule to keep!
So therefore I am gitty about not dealing with the getting ready for school routine for 3 months.
I do have other things to keep me plenty pissed though. Neighbors. I live in a trailer park (which is not that bad for awhile till we get house). So not only do I live in a trailer park, I have daughters 9 & 6, so does almost everyone else. To top it off the mothers of these annoying "wonderful" children are absolute bitches! I have confronted 2 of em and 2 more in line! I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I am more of a woman and mother that all 4 of them put together, and my daughters just so happen to be cool as hell! They don't annoy anyone else except me, and that's all that matters. What I've had to deal with are cat-killin bastards and head lice. I have more than reached my boiling point with these dumbasses. I'm not going to be here forever unlike them(and they don't care) but until then they're not going to fuck with me and my girls without some sort of reaction from me. It all started when one of them killed 4 of my outside cats and then about 3 weeks ago I ended up with 3 kittens b/c their mama had them under someone else's trailer and those bastards somehow "disposed" of her, thus they call on me to come and get them since they belong to me(by default perhaps?) Well you sick bastards one of them died in my arms Saturday morning, and for those 30 minutes that he suffered all I could think about is how can people be so cruel and exist? They live and breath among us sometimes you can tell right off, others they'll do dumb shit to reveal their evil. I got all these thoughts running through my mind, but all the while knowing there is a God and He's "got this". I was going to bash my neighbors' head in until I wrapped "little hat" in a Kurt Cobain t-shirt that said among many things:
1. love yourself
2. love your children
3. love your neighbor
I let it go.

Separateness

You know I've mentioned before about the "rut" I've been in lately and I have really been praying to God over it. Slowly but surely He is revealing ways to me to lift the burden and the heaviness that pulls me down. I think a alot of what I go through is guilt and worry. It seems the only thing that brightens me are my children. No matter what, they have done nothing to deserve my rollercoaster moods and in order to change I need to keep that in mind at all times. As you can see I really beat myself up over stuff and truth be known, I am a very good mother and being able to write this all down truely helps as well.

Onto other stuff: I am having a blast with this myspace thing. I didn't think I would either. However, I am meeting new people and its cool as hell!! Nothing more, nothing less, just all on the level and did I mention FUN!!! Count down to the beach is on. 24 days and counting!!! Need I say anymore.

A Happy Mothers Day

I'm on the happy train again! It's not the happiest train, but it will do. These feelings are choices, right? But I'm thinking that emotions come in waves. Whether we realize it or not, we are feeling other peoples' shit! I have been praying to God and the angels to get me out of this rut I have been in for about 4 months. Right now I am peering over the edge and into the light and I think everything is going to be okay. I'm going to the beach next month and I am so freakin excited about it!! We are going to Gulfshores, Alabama, the gulf of Mexico in all its wonder and vastness. I swear in a past life I lived on a island somewhere, because when I'm at the beach I am at peace...with everything. I look forward to sitting on the beach early in the morning, all by myself, just staring out into the ocean. I love the smells and I just feel closer to God when I'm sitting by the ocean. I have been through so much shit in the last 4 years, the jail and all the problems Tony and I have had, and being away from my children, I so desperately need this retreat.
I do have a good life and I know that I have written on this blog that my husband is a bastard and so forth and so on...Tony is a good man and if you look at our history together you will find that it is I that has done shit and not him, but this man is so hard to live with and it takes everything in me not to "go all out up in my house" on his ass! He is 11 years older than me and he like to be some one's "daddy". That is all I am going to say about this.
On a brighter note, I have a myspace now. Didn't think I would ever do it because I am not a myspace kind of gal, but I did and a friend helped me out with it and I love it now. I got some really awesome pictures on it that mean the world to me.
My kittens are 2 months old and holy schnykie are they something else. There are 3 black ones (boys) and 2 girls which turns out they are called tortoise shell cats. They are so cool and they have been my little buddies lately and when 4 of them go I'm going to be very sad. Kendell decided early on that we were keeping one of the girl cats. As it was coming out she said "that's the one I want". The rest is history. I do have some advice though, only take in a pregnant cat if you have a barn out back.
And on a even brighter note, today is my nannies birthday. Happy Birthday Nanny!! I love you with all my soul.

Sunday Morning

What a beautiful sunday morning. It has finally stopped raining, and everything is crisp and clear. My house is finally clean (for the moment) and that is a good feeling. I had a decent birthday, its not so bad turning 35, hell I still get carded for cigarettes, so I can't complain. I'm going to my sisters' house for a cook-out later and spend time with her family and eat lots o' food!!! All in all, a nice weekend.